clockwork hearts

thats how our hearts beat, just like the core of the clock. tick tick tick..

we've all turned into robots, programmed to chase after numbers, to chase after "glory", to chase after glamour, as our hearts are ticking away.

and it will continue to tick on, slowly until we get tired, and it ticks on, until it slows down, and ceases to function completely. after that, then what?

maybe a clockwork heart is good after all. a heart made of metal can't feel pain, neither can it experience the wintry coldness of loneliness. it will power you on, aimlessly, hopelessly, until the very day you die.

until then, tick tick tick..

someone, save me

July

and its already july. 5 more months of the year left.

what are you going to do with your life in this 5 months? are you going to make it worth living? are you going to let it pass through the gaps of your fingers?

i've been wasting my life away ever since the end of april. i've been focusing too much on the wrong things. the lures of a sedentary lifestyle. meh

time to start living.

cheers

disorganized

its great to have a place to write down everything...

and yet

and i hoped that things would change.

and they did. just that they got worse.
hell man, i really got no idea how am i supposed to survive the next year.

everyday i wake up, just to be crushed by expectations.
and in the end, i only have myself to blame

Steve Jobs - 1955~2011

Steve Jobs, the man who created dreams. He created dreams for millions of people by showing them that success can be obtained as long as a person is willing to pay a price.

However, I'm not going to talk about what he has done, and about all of his achievements and stuff. you can find that on wiki and any other website.

after i realized that he died, i felt sad. i dunno why, but this is the first time i had this feeling after hearing the death of someone. this made me realize that life is as precarious as the flame of a candle. it can be extinguished so easily. we might die today, tomorrow, next week, next month, and for all i know, i might even drop dead before i finish this post.

its just as Maria from Hayate no Gotoku said, "we don't even have enough of life in the first place" (chapter 339).

if i were to die, i want to die without regrets
but its still too early for me, i can't die now.
thats why, i must stay strong

CHEERIO!

Omoide wa Okkusenman

"no matter how hard i try, i can't go back to those days where i can smile innocently. now, i live everyday like i'm being chased by something"

true. the things which are chasing us are but the construct of our own mind; our expectations of ourselves, our want to be superior, our craving for attention; all of these will catch up with us, and we can only run away as we realize we cannot face them; this is because we lack the ability to do so.

however, even if we were able to achieve what we want, it will seem like nothing has happened. the world won't stop for you, time won't stop for you, nobody will celebrate for you. at this moment, you will realize, how insignificant you are in this world, and what you have done, is just nothing but a speck of dust which will be blown away by the raging winds of time.

so insignificant

haikei sanjyuugo no kimi

angela aki - tegami

really a beautiful song.

Maybe I should write a letter to my 30 years old self. Tell him about my aspirations, my dreams and my sufferings.

Maybe by doing so, this loneliness inside my can be put out.

heh
CHEERIO!